Why is it Hard to Keep Babysitters?

You are polite to sitters, you pay a good hourly rate, and your kids are great kids! Still, you have gone through several sitters or nannies in the past year and sometimes you feel like nobody wants to work anymore. Is there anything you can do? Consider these 15 insights on how to find and keep reliable sitters:

1. Make yourself a regular client & stay on your babysitter’s radar. When you meet a sitter you like and trust, promptly book with them and keep the relationship going by booking with them at least once or twice a month. You’ll have a hard time keeping sitters if you book sporadically. As a babysitter, I often met parents who wanted to expand their sitter pool and after a great first booking or two, I wouldn’t hear from them again for several months. They seemed to assume that I’d become part of their sitter pool for the foreseeable future. Meanwhile, I got the impression that they didn’t really need sitters or didn’t like me, and I gradually forgot about them. To this day, I’ll get a text from a parent I haven’t heard from in a year or more, asking if I’m available on Friday night. So much time has passed that they often have more children now.

2. Forget the myth that babysitting is an “easy” job. This work entails meeting new clients at their private household and engaging their most treasured family members. The sitter is quickly observing and learning the rules, dynamics, and expectations of that individual household. Rules, expectations and communications styles vary widely by culture, location, family structure, children’s ages, and so on.

On top of that, the sitter is on alert regarding their own personal safety. Most sitters are women, heading to an unfamiliar home, alone, to meet adults they have likely only communicated with by phone. You on the other hand are approaching the interaction from a more comfortable position of power and safety: meeting one person in your own home where you know all of the ins and outs. You probably have your spouse or a trusted friend with you at that first interview.

Most of us tend to believe that we are easier to work with than we truly are. We tend to think that we communicate more clearly than we do. Your sitter or nanny may misinterpret your instructions, or do something that irks you in an attempt to be helpful. Maybe you only purchase natural products and toys for your child, and your nanny brought in a package of Walmart finger paint that you’d never buy. Maybe the sitter didn’t understand how strongly you feel about screen time, and thought it would be ok for the kids to watch a show after playing outside. A mistake doesn’t always indicate a bad match. Sitters want your honest, real-time feedback. The vast majority of childcare providers want you to be pleased with their work, and will strive to learn and understand your needs over time.

3. Realistically consider a babysitter’s commitment, and manage your expectations around change. Babysitting is typically a supplemental form of income and many sitters view the work as transitional, seasonal, or temporary. You might meet a college student who will be in your family’s life for a wonderful few years. You might meet neighbors who can help for the decade to come. A sitter’s tenure could also be for the summer or for the semester. Know that a sitter who can do nights and weekends is not trying to work nights and weekends indefinitely. People generally don’t hold onto multiple jobs if they can find a way to have one.

It’s not uncommon to see parents going to great lengths, sometimes pushing themselves towards exhaustion, in unrealistic efforts to shield their children from experiencing a caregiver transition. Each summer, parents contact my agency to reserve a babysitter for the two-week gap between the end of summer camps and the beginning of the school year. It’s easy to fulfill. However, some parents stress themselves by setting an expectation that the same person must become their after-school nanny for the year, too. In an attempt to spare their child a transition, the parent ties a two-week need to a year-long commitment.

4. Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket. Expecting to find just one special sitter for a shy child puts too much pressure and expectation, setting you up for disappointment. Babysitters get sick, they have emergencies, their priorities can change, and their family’s needs come first. You don’t want to bank all of your plans on one or two people. At a minimum, you want three or four people in your sitter pool.

I learned this lesson when a client of my childcare agency initially matched with the seemingly perfect sitter for her timid young son and they completed several successful bookings. The client was resolute that she would not introduce her son to anyone else. Introductions were very challenging and she wanted to shield him and herself from that experience. Then, life intervened.

6. Pay your sitter when you cancel. When you book a babysitter, you are telling them to reserve that time exclusively for you. Failing to compensate a babysitter when you cancel, especially on short notice, damages your ability to hold onto sitters. Paying your sitter when you cancel acknowledges that their commitment to your family is important, and you realize that cancellation impacts them. Not paying when you cancel communicates that babysitting for your family isn’t very important, and your sitters may view it as a casual arrangement where last-minute changes or absences are no big deal. You’ll attract sitters who cancel on short notice, are less mature, and move on after a short period of time.

Consider your reservation with your sitter a nonrefundable purchase. Providing fair compensation when you cancel demonstrates mutual respect. Fair compensation is at least 50% of what your sitter would have earned if you had not canceled. Canceling the day of? Pay in full if you can afford it.

7. Pay more when you have the sitter supervise a playdate or a carpool. Let them know about the extra child in advance and get their consent. A playdate or carpool entails the added responsibility of another child’s safety, and supervising highly excited children. The presence of an extra child demands increased attention and care, even if the sitter is less directly engaged because the children are playing together. Paying an additional $5 to $15 per hour is reasonable. Adding another family without adding compensation takes advantage of the sitter.

We can all agree that surprises at work can be disruptive or irritating. Rather than having your sitter arrive and find out that they will be responsible for more children, a heads-up beforehand is more respectful.

8. Do not ask to pay later or forget to pay. This deeply damages your sitter relationships. Babysitters should be punctual, dependable, and engaged. Your end of that agreement is to pay on time and in full, without exception. Forgetting to pay upsets your sitter in the same way you’d be upset if your sitter forgot to come. Even when you come home to your excited kids demanding your attention, it’s your responsibility to correctly pay your babysitter before they leave. It cannot wait until later. Prompt payment demonstrates mutual respect, and shows that you have the maturity to pay your bill without extra reminders.

9. Consider: is your home is reasonably clean and organized enough for someone to work there? It’s hard to objectively evaluate how your own home appears to other people. Ask your most honest friend to evaluate what they see in your house. If babysitters keep mysteriously becoming “too busy,” it may be because your home is not adequately clean, or there is too much clutter or tripping hazards. A refrigerator so packed that items fall out, broken baby gates, or strong pet and litter box odors hinder a sitter’s ability to work. While you absolutely do not need to have a Pinterest-worthy home, maintaining an adequately tidy environment matters. Your goal is not to achieve perfection but rather to maintain a setting for your babysitter to effectively care for your child.

Typically, excessively messy homes lack a system of organization. This results in items scattered without a designated “place” to go. This looks like toys stacked high in bins that are hard to dig through. This looks like kitchen cabinets or pantries where canned goods and nonperishables are stacked with no discernible order. This looks like drawers packed with puzzle pieces, dried out markers, and unmatched socks, where it’s easy for half-eaten snacks and spoiled sippy cups of milk to end up in the mix…I have found mice and fly larvae in the homes of some otherwise lovely parents. 🐭

While a sitter or a nanny may attempt to help you tidy up, ultimately they can only move clutter from one place to another unless your family implements an organizational system. An organizer can help you to establish a system, and their rates vary between $80 to $150 per hour. It’s not reasonable to expect a sitter or nanny to create the systems, because that is significantly above their pay rate.

In addition, all workers need functional tools to do the job. Has your kitchen sink or dishwasher been malfunctioning for months? Is it hard to find diapers, two matching shoes, or clothes that fit your child? Issues like these hinder your ability to retain a sitter or nanny. Example: a diaper change involves a changing area stocked with wipes and diapers, or at least a mobile caddy of diapers & supplies. A diaper change is not rummaging for a diaper, then finding a pack of wipes that isn’t dried out, then clearing clutter off the changing table or getting down onto the floor, looking for a blanket to spread under the child.

A lack of tools and space to work drives away babysitters and nannies.

10. Share in advance when you or your child are sick and accurately describe symptoms. A few times, we have dispatched babysitters for parents who described their child as having “a runny nose and some lingering congestion.” The sitter arrived to a child with ongoing green nose discharge, a prominent cough and frequent gooey sneezes. The parent then shared with the sitter that they had the same cold. As a result, the babysitter felt misled. This situation is inherently disrespectful because it exposes workers to contagious illnesses without sufficient information beforehand. That can have a ripple effect of the worker becoming sick, missing other work and losing income. In these cases, the worker feels that the parent only thought about their own needs and did not consider the impact on others.

I have personally experienced this. In 2020 before the COVID-19 vaccine was available, I arrived at a client’s home to discover that one of the parents had a fever and their doctor was coming to administer a COVID test. I was taken aback, and felt let down that the parent had not informed me about the potential exposure before I came. The parent had booked a sitter because she wanted to rest. She thought it was only relevant if her child was unwell and had not considered the broader implications.

11. Ask your sitter if they are comfortable caring for your sick child, and pay even if they do not come. When you present your sitter with a choice about caring for your sick child but you don’t provide payment if they choose not to come, this isn’t a real choice. It puts the sitter in a position to choose between being exposed to illness or being unpaid, which is not respectful. While paying if they don’t come may not feel “fair,” absorbing the financial loss is your responsibility because it is your child. At a minimum, offer to pay 50% of what your sitter would have earned if the booking had gone as planned. It is an investment in your continued working relationship.

12. Choose consistency rather than changing up the plans unnecessarily. The babysitter and your children are playing a board game, when you come home with a new toy and want the kids to come try that instead. The sitter and your children are making a craft in the basement, and you tell everyone to go play outside because it’s such a nice day. Sound familiar? Although you perceive your decisions as exciting or appropriate, these changes disregulate children’s moods and are disruptive to the worker.

13. Consider: are you are in too close of proximity for your sitter to be effective? It’s important to acknowledge that no matter how skilled and engaging a babysitter may be, they can’t surpass your child’s natural desire for your attention. If your home office is right next to the playroom, your child may frequently attempt to reach you, driven by their strong attachment to you and the knowledge that you are near. Many people find it overly tedious to work in this setup. Although I don’t behave any differently when parents are home, I am more effective and relaxed in my role as a caregiver when parents are out of the house or in offices on another floor. This is because the children and I have a clear understanding of the day’s plans and the decision-makers in the space.

If you’re booking a sitter so that you can work around the house, such as unpacking after moving, communicate this to the sitter in advance and have them take the children to a park or some other outing.

It’s up to you to speak with your child about the limits of your home office and to enforce your boundaries. Here are several strategies you can implement to reduce proximity: installing a baby gate in the hallway to your office, locking your office door, using a curtain to remove yourself from view, employing a sound machine to muffle your voice, or requesting that the sitter plan an outing away from the house if you have an important meeting. Some parents use color-coded post-its to signal when knocking on the door is ok. By implementing measures like these, you create a more beneficial environment for you and for your child. The worker will be able to perform their duties much more effectively, providing you with the space and uninterrupted time that you need.

14. Consider: do you appear whenever your child cries, and tend to hover or listen in? Imagine if your boss appeared every time they heard something, undermining your ability to problem solve. It would probably make you question why they hired you. You might find yourself hesitating to ask questions or express concerns, fearing that it might reinforce their perception that you are less competent. In this environment, communication and the working relationship would fall apart. Many sitters and nannies have even experienced a parent speaking to them and correcting them through the baby monitor! Imagine how jarring it would be for your boss to suddenly speak to you through your laptop.

There is a difference between a child’s typical cries expressing tiredness, hunger, sibling fights, or discomfort, and a cry of urgent distress. You are hearing a situation that your sitter or nanny is observing firsthand, and so they may have more context. Additionally, your sitter or nanny does not become as emotionally charged when they hear your child cry. This often allows them to make more objective assessments or allow issues to resolve naturally.

Most skilled sitters and nannies avoid distracting a child from their emotions. They accept crying as a normal and inevitable part of a child’s development. It’s natural to want to attend to your child’s needs. That said, if the sound of a cry always compels you to come to your child and offer comfort, working from home may not work for you.

15. Become comfortable giving in-person feedback, training, and opportunities to improve. You see your sitter or nanny do something you don’t like or something you want done differently. You aren’t sure how to bring it up. Do you:

1. Hold it in and feel disappointed
2. Send them a text about it and that doesn’t go well
3. Mention it so casually, they don’t realize that it’s actually pretty important to you
4. Just have the sitter or nanny just stop doing the thing altogether, without giving them the opportunity to correct it or learn. Real-life example: a parent didn’t want their children to wade in the water at a nearby pond. The sitter did not know this. Upon learning that the sitter let the children wade, the parent instructed the sitter to just stop taking the children to the pond at all. They lost a fun local place to visit and became more confined, instead of the sitter getting a chance to learn or improve.

Give talking about it a try! Kind candor goes a long way. Keep in mind that in-person feedback does not mean speaking to your sitter or nanny through the baby monitor.

Regardless of how reasonable or clear you believe you are being, texting your sitter or nanny about an issue will come across as immature and passive-aggressive, and your message will be easy to misinterpret. Speaking face-to-face offers a much better chance of achieving your goal. If the matter is sincerely important to you, have that 5-minute conversation. If the issue doesn’t warrant being mentioned in-person, it’s probably just a minor preference and chances are that letting it go will be more productive. Accepting that there will be differences in you and your sitter’s childcare style can create a more pleasant relationship, free from micromanagement.

Don’t give in to the desire to avoid an important issue. Avoid rationalizing with thoughts such as, “A sitter should already know this. I shouldn’t really have to explain. They must not be a very good sitter or nanny.” You probably do need to explain. Childcare workers interact with many families, and each family has their own rules and expectations which vary widely by culture and region. What seems obvious or straightforward to you is not that way to someone else. In addition, asking your parent friends about a caregiver issue may result in an echo chamber reinforcing your viewpoint, since friends usually share perspectives and values.

Rather than assuming that your sitter or nanny is not competent, articulate your family’s needs to them and empower them to provide the best care. Coaching and feedback is not a bad thing! It helps to establish effective communication and a shared understanding.

Finally…sometimes you actually right that some people are flaky and unreasonable. It happens, and I sometimes experience this as an agency owner. Sometimes team members have tearfully asked me to keep them in mind for any extra jobs to earn money for something important, then decline valuable bookings because they had a long week and want downtime instead. People make their own choices about what’s best for them, even if I don’t comprehend their logic. Once, a member of my team asked me to keep her in mind for any and all extra work, because her cat had a major veterinary emergency and would need ongoing expensive care and medication. A couple of months later, I was surprised when she left my team without notice. Most of the time, people will not offer an explanation about their decision. We aren’t really due an explanation, even though we may feel that we deserve one!

In conclusion, we all do things that we don’t realize give off negative impressions. This can be frustrating, since a sitter isn’t likely to tell you if something about your home or your behavior doesn’t work for them. They don’t know you that well, and they reasonably feel that as a paying customer you won’t appreciate feeling critiqued in your own home. At your home, the balance of power is in your favor and the worker is unlikely to say anything that they think could insult you or embarrass you. I hope that the 15 insights shared here can assist you in cultivating rewarding working relationships with babysitters and nannies, in the year ahead!