Around the five- to six-month mark, many nanny-family relationships have settled in and the training period is complete. Between work, parenting, and managing a household, there’s rarely a moment to evaluate how things are going. Although professional pay and benefits are always important, long-term retention is significantly shaped by day-to-day interactions and decisions. The 6 tips below help to support a stable, respectful working relationship.
1. Outings and Environment Matter
As children move into toddlerhood and beyond, days naturally become more active and include more socialization. This often includes:
- Library visits and story times
- Classes (music, movement, etc.)
- A consistent schedule of drivable outings in the local area, such as children’s museums, new parks, etc.
- Requests for materials for age-appropriate arts & crafts, games and learning activities at home; this often reflects your nanny’s professional experience, especially for those with backgrounds in early childhood education
Nannies focus on engaging your child in enriching, age-appropriate experiences, whether that’s finding a park better suited to their height and motor skills, designing early literacy activities, or even attending a stage play designed for toddlers. Your nanny will closely observe your child’s emerging interests, personality traits, and natural abilities, and will be eager to foster them. If opportunities to engage with different environments and experiences are rare or inconsistent, nannies may begin to feel isolated and limited in their ability to do their job to the fullest.
It’s important to acknowledge that some parents aren’t comfortable with driving as part of the role and intend to have their nanny work on the property, do walkable outings only, or have a parent perform all of the driving. If so, it’s crucial to explicitly explain this from the start in your interview process and written contract, and to hire a nanny specifically seeking this arrangement. Otherwise, nannies expect a few weekly outings to be a part of the job, especially if it’s listed in their contractual duties.
If you hired for a role that includes driving and outings, but are now feeling hesitant, whether due to illness concerns or changing circumstances, talk it through with your nanny. There may be a temporary solution that meet everyone’s needs.
A productive question:
Do we enable our nanny to plan regular weekly outings with our child, and introduce new ideas for learning and development?
2. Weekday Routine vs. Off Hours Routine
As your child grows, periodically check that workweek expectations around nap time and meals still align with what happens during evenings and weekends. When weekend habits differ significantly from weekdays, or morning wake times don’t line up with afternoon nap, it may not be possible for your nanny to meet your expectations and maintain consistency.
Likewise, if your nanny is expected to follow a specific approach to discipline, it’s important that the same approach is reinforced when they’re not there.
A productive question:
Do the expectations we have for our nanny during the week match what we do with our child on weekends?
3. Breaks and the Reality of the Nannying Workweek
A nanny’s ability to recharge during the day is essential. If nap time is a daily struggle, or an older child does not take quiet time, it’s important to make a plan:
- Will a work-from-home parent step in so the nanny can have lunch?
- Is independent crib time acceptable, if a toddler is not napping consistently?
- If nap time or quiet time isn’t consistent, and you cannot relieve your employee, how do they recharge?
Without these considerations, caregivers often go days or weeks without a break, which impacts performance and job satisfaction over time.
Especially if your nanny works full-time, they will need to use leave for appointments throughout the year, from dental cleanings to annual exams. If a nanny feels hesitant to request time off, they may delay or skip important care. Modeling communication demonstrates that scheduling conversations and medical appointments are expected, not an inconvenience:
- share your own scheduling priorities in advance, such as critical work meetings, project deadlines, and travel dates.
- communicate clearly about illness in your family, and follow your contractual agreement to pay your nanny to stay home, if your child may be too unwell for care.
- pay guaranteed hours when you have pediatrician appointments or go out of town, and cannot use your nanny’s time.
- apply PTO and sick leave for employee appointments. While occasional flexibility is great when it legitimately works for you both, maintaining standards keeps the process clear, and prevents feeling like a favor is owed.
A productive question:
Do we have a system in place to ensure our employee receives a daily break, and feels comfortable making healthcare appointments?
4. Proactive Communication Around Illness
Nannies understand that caring for mildly to moderately ill children is part of the role, and a cold, mild stomach bug or low fever are all typically within scope.
When it comes to symptoms, it’s important to accurately describe the situation in advance. If your nanny arrives expecting a child who is on the mend, then encounters multiple bouts of vomiting, thick green nasal discharge, or a parent is now sick, they may feel misinformed and concerned about contagious illness. Over time, this can erode trust and respect.
If you underreport symptoms or do not share in advance, this can signal to your nanny that being at work is prioritized over health. This affects how comfortable your employee feels requesting time off when they need it, and may lead to them avoiding scheduling important care, like dental care and annual exams, because these can fall at inconvenient times to your workday.
A productive question:
Have we clearly communicated about current symptoms and sick people in the household, before the start of the workday?
5. Reviewing the Schedule
At the start of the job, you and your nanny establish a daily schedule, including arrival time and when the nanny can expect to leave for the day. This schedule may be just right or, as months pass, you may discover that it doesn’t quite meet your needs. Maybe your Thursday afternoon meeting keeps running long. Maybe you are eager to hear about your child’s day, and find yourself still speaking with your nanny after their shift has technically ended.
When the schedule begins to creep and shift without discussion, it can leave a nanny feeling undervalued or unsure.The solution may be to adjust the daily end time, and offer guaranteed hours that reflect that.
Example: Your nanny works Monday through Friday, 8am to 5pm. You do manage to finish work or get home right around 5pm but you still want to receive a rundown of your child’s day, so your nanny typically leaves around 5:06pm.
It may seem trivial, but an 6 extra minutes a day adds up to two unpaid hours per month! If you cannot finish or make it home earlier, ask about updating the end time to 5:15pm, for an additional 1.25 guaranteed hours per week, including applicable overtime pay. You may not use that time every day, but building it into the schedule allows for a transition that isn’t rushed and resolves your nanny’s daily uncertainty around when their shift will end, Rather than adding or removing those minutes day to day, set them as the daily schedule expectation: consistency demonstrates respect for your employee’s time.
Consistency doesn’t mean perfection; rather, it’s about addressing changes as they arise, rather than letting things go unspoken and allowing small cracks to widen.
A productive question:
Is my nanny leaving at the end time listed our written contract, or am I still speaking with them after that time?
6. Promoting a Team Dynamic
I interview dozens of nanny candidates each year, and one job retention theme comes up consistently: they stay where they feel respected and appreciated for their expertise. In the working relationship, parents serve as the decision-making authority, and nanny collaborates as part of the team: contributing their professional knowledge, sharing observations about your child, planning activities, and offering input when something isn’t working. When a nanny is expected to execute a role without providing much input, or adapt to inconsistencies they didn’t create, the position becomes difficult to sustain.
If your nanny suggests an idea or activity that doesn’t feel like the right fit, consider working with them to find a feasible version of that idea. Approach your nanny’s requests with curiosity: understanding the intention behind their idea will help you brainstorm an alternative together. Explain to your employee what you are comfortable with, and enable them to try options within that range.
In many cases, your nanny is eager to plan your child’s week, and has a wealth of ideas. Delegating can be difficult, especially when it comes to your child, yet one of the best benefits of having a nanny is support with planning, and access to their expertise.
A team dynamic also shows up in day-to-day consistency, such as checking that play areas and the kitchen are tidied from nights and weekends, so the nanny isn’t starting each day with a full reset of the spaces they need.
If you’re hoping your nanny can take on a Monday morning reset, have a conversation about what’s doable alongside caring for your child.
A productive question:
Have we recently tried our employee’s ideas, or asked them for suggestions?
Final Thought
Being an employer is a genuine challenge, with added complexity when your employee works in your home and with your child. Like any leadership role, we’re continually learning and refining as we go. Communication, curiosity, and openness to employee input all help to support the working relationship. Revisiting this periodically helps things remain stable for your family and your nanny, as your child grows.
